Dying As Sinners, Living As Saints
by An Eccentric Caffeine Addict
Summary: It's been four years since Voldemort's death but Harry's been missing since, rumoured to be dead. Harry Potter's been living with Remus Lupin in a crappy little shack, in Northern England. Better summary on the inside. [SLASH: DMxHP, RLxSS]
1. Goodbye For Now

**Summary:** It's been four years since Voldemort's death but Harry's been missing since, rumoured to be dead. His friends don't know where to find him and are desperately clinging to hope that he will be found. On the other hand Harry Potter doesn't want to be found and is hiding out in Northern England with Remus, his adoptive father, in a rather shabby shack. When he gets a note from someone who wants to meet him and claims to be a friend, Harry's first thoughts are to not go, but he ends up at the entrance of Knockturn Alley only to find Theodore Nott. Before Harry knows what he's landed himself into, he's wandering amidst his former 'enemies' and feels growing affections toward one Draco Malfoy.

**Main Pairings:** Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter & Remus Lupin/Severus Snape.

**Side Pairings:** Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley (established)

**Warning:** Language, Slash, Sex (Anal & Oral), Suicidal Themes, Gore, Violence, Torture, Rape, S&M, Obsessive Love, Blood and Established Character Death.

**Author's Note:** To let you all know, I'm writing this because I'm in the mood to write dark, descriptive literature. That and I love writing Draco/Harry slash… I hope you enjoy this.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters, it all belongs to JK Rowling. I do not make any profit off of this and am only using JK Rowling's creation for my own use.

**----------------x----------------**

**Dying As Sinners, Living As Saints**

_Goodbye For Now_

The winter night was much like most, a chilling cold hung in the air, suffocating one's lungs so that every time they breathed it hurt. The cold attacked their body, finding anyway to get inside and freeze them. It was absolutely still, a dreadful silence befalling everything around the park where a lone figure remained. The thick layer of snow that blanketed the ground was crisp, not a footprint anywhere to ruin its' white beauty. Harry couldn't move himself, his body refusing him that privilege.

The dead silence of the night's cold broke as a dry wind swept in, sending further chills down his back. It tousled his hair, sending it into his soulless green eyes. His hands dug deeper into the depths of his pockets but he remained seated, confined in his silence. His feet were numb, the feeling all but gone in them.

Harry swallowed, the images in his mind refusing to leave him, haunting him in a way that he wouldn't wish upon anyone. The screams of the people he loved shrieked in his ears, their lifeless forms danced in his eyes, the coldness of their body chilled him much more than the deathly cold of the night. His lips were parched, his body aching, screaming at him to get out of the cold but he couldn't move, he wouldn't move.

It had been four years since _his_ death but Harry felt more broken now then he did when _he_ was alive. He felt more helpless, lost and lonely now then ever before. Maybe if he hadn't have killed him that night he wouldn't have wanted to disappear, he would still have all the love from the people he loved wrapping him in a hug, whispering to him that he was all that mattered but he _had_ killed him.

It was all over, the Death Eaters were all but captured, most of them having either died or surrendering on their own. Another gust tore at him, mocking him to move, to get away but Harry sat on the bench enveloped in his own darkness, in his own cold. The night went on, striking him every few seconds with a flurry of wind, picking snow off of the ground so it hit him in the process.

**--x--**

"Ronald Weasley!" the voice of one Hermione Granger-Weasley screamed at the top of her lungs.

"I'm coming women!" Her husband screamed right back.

"Dear Merlin, what am I to do with that man?" She muttered to herself, as she danced about her mother-in-law's kitchen.

"Oh, Hermione don't worry! They're all like that," Hermione turned her head towards her mother-in-law and couldn't help but smile.

She sighed, "You're right but I just wish he had a little more responsibility. If he doesn't leave soon, he'll be late and so will I in waiting for him."

"I know, I know. He's always been an idiot." Molly said with a bit of scorn. Hermione laughed, grabbing her bag full of books and research. The kitchen of the Burrow had remained the same bustling place in the lives of the Weasley's. The table sat in the middle, twelve chairs sat about it of which only six were put to use. Even after the War, Percy didn't come back home and Bill and Fleur moved to their own place, leaving Hermione with Ronald, Molly, Arthur, Fred and George Weasley.

"Let's go then!" Hermione snapped out of her own thoughts glancing at her husband of only three and a half years. He had proposed to her in the midst of 1998 having finally told her that he too, loved her as much as she loved him.

"Lets," she repeated, stepping off towards the fireplace. "Good-bye Molly."

"I'll see you two tonight," she heard Molly call back as she screamed out, "Ministry of Magic!"

It was simply a few seconds after that she found herself being thrown out of the vortex form of transportation that Wizards called the Floo System. Lucky for Hermione, who had excellent grace and coordination she landed right on her feet as the fireplace shot her out, her not-so-graceful husband landed on his arse. But that was usual.

Hermione smiled at the girl who sat as secretary, never seeming to age, with the same brown hair and murky grey eyes she had seen the last three years. She then turned around to face her husband who was in the process of getting up, rather slowly.

"Ronald, hurry up!" She ordered, impatient at his slow behaviour.

"Remind me why I married you?" He muttered, now on his feet giving her a scornful look.

"Because, Harry made us realise we loved each other." Hermione stopped her lecture at Ron when she realised she had mentioned Harry's name. Her head suddenly hurt and her heart hammered against her chest. "I'll see you at lunch, Ron." She whispered walking off to her right, stopping herself from remembering too much about her Cupid. The tears wanted to burst out but Hermione stopped them, she pushed them back, telling herself it was useless. He had disappeared, vanished into thin air, right after the major battle. Ginny's funeral was the last anyone saw of him, after that Harry Potter was rumoured to be dead.

Her throat clogged up at the mere thought that he had died, but how could he have? Voldemort was dead, gone, who could have killed Harry? Even Voldemort's Death Eaters were safely behind Azkaban bars. _Oh, Harry where are you?_

**--x--**

"You're back, Harry." Harry's head snapped up from its' downward glance at the only person who knew of his whereabouts, Remus Lupin.

"Yeah…" Harry mumbled, not in the mood to talk as usual.

"Have some breakfast and don't give me any of that 'I'm not hungry' crap," the werewolf added. Harry's body felt numb all over, he had been out in the cold for more than two hours and he really could do with something warm to eat.

"Fine," Harry mumbled, noticing that it was all he did lately, mumble. Harry sat down at the rickety table, a plate with scrambled eggs and two slices of toast awaited him. He picked up the toast and bit in gingerly, hoping it wouldn't shrivel up and vanish at his touch like most things did. The warmth of the bread spread throughout his mouth and his teeth set into motion.

"Tea?" Remus asked him, teapot in hand, Harry only nodded his head to say yes and continued his silent meal. Remus flicked his wand and a cup shot out from one of the poorly aligned cupboards and settled down in front of Harry. Remus poured the tea into the cup and Harry watched as the warmth from the confines of the teapot flew out in wisps of white. The rich red-brown colour of the tea made Harry want to drink it right away so that the numb of his body could vanish but that would only result in him burning his tongue.

"Has the paper come yet?" Harry asked, startled that he had actually asked. He swallowed his bread and reached for the cup of the tea, its' hot temperature having already heated up the cup.

"Yes it has Harry…" Remus seemed equally surprised at his inquiry but didn't say anything else knowing it would lead him nowhere. Harry took a sip from the tea, making sure to blow on it a few times so it would cool down. The sweetness of vanilla burst on his taste buds and Harry closed his eyes a wave of warmth took his body. Did he want to read the paper? Is that why he had asked…? Harry wasn't quite sure, having never read the paper since the news of Voldemort's death and the list of those who had died trying to help Harry kill the foul monster.

Harry finished the rest of his tea, leaving the egg sitting in his plate never to be eaten by him. "Anything interesting in it?" Harry's mind wasn't paying attention to what was coming out of his mouth anymore, but was rather lost in what had happened at the end of the War.

"Not really…Although it did mention a few things about Hermione finding a new cure for gnomes. She was always so smart, I'm glad she's gotten off to a good start in the Ministry." Harry listened as Remus explained his friend's success. It was true, she always had been so smart…so loving. Harry's eyes closed as he tried to escape her memories, focusing his mind back to where he was; a crappy old shack in the middle of Northern England. It was more a cabin than a shack, but a poorly built one. The kitchen he sat in right now looked like someone had barged in and destroyed it. The cupboards were crookedly aligned against the wall with a few cupboards that didn't even have a door, while others had doors that were barely hanging. A small counter served its' purpose of allowing Remus to cook, the sink beside the counter only ever sputtered out cold water, leaving them to boil the water to make it warm. All the food was cooked on an old style stove that needed wood or coal to make it run. There was a cellar downstairs in the basement which served as a sort of fridge for the house. There was no upstairs, only three rooms on the one floor of the cabin, a living room, kitchen and bedroom.

Remus went to his own job for most of the day, leaving Harry alone in the cabin which suited him fine. He would return at dinner, cook something for Harry knowing he hadn't eaten anything since the forced breakfast and then leave back to the apartment in Diagon Alley where he slept. Harry had the one room of the cabin to himself but rarely slept in it, usually finding himself in a chair with a book in his lap or sprawled in front of the fireplace which served as the only place that provided any warmth to the house.

It had been four years since Ginny's funeral, four years since her death, Voldemort's death and Harry's rumoured death. He liked the latter parts of his situation. Ginny's death had forsaken him to the precincts of his mind; never allowing him to leave for it was his fault. She had stepped in to take the Avada Kedevra curse that had been meant for him. Meant to hit him square in the chest so he that would fly off into some corner of the battlefield to die, not her, oh Merlin why her?

It was his fault! He was supposed to save her, save them all but he had failed. Failed to give Mr. and Mrs. Weasley her one daughter back, failed to give Ron his sister, dear Merlin he had filed to give himself the one he loved. It was simple to him, he was a failure, some Saviour he had been. Right on the battle field he froze not sure what to do with so many curses being thrown at him. He had sat on his sorry little arse shocked that this was the moment; this was where he would kill Voldemort. Instead he tripped over the body of a Bellatrix and stayed on the ground. He had heard the curse escape the mad man's mouth, directed at him of course, but then he had heard Ron, "Ginny no!" That was it, his eyes snapped to Ginny as she ran forward and took the curse, shooting back into the depths of the graveyard hitting the tombstone of some person.

The events of his childhood having flashed before his eyes, it was the fourth time someone had died trying to save him. First his parents, then Sirius and Dumbledore. Lastly _her_. It was ridiculous, why did they think him so precious, he was an idiot, one who couldn't even save them…Oh it would remain his fault forever, he couldn't forgive himself for letting her die. For taking away the Weasley's daughter and sister.

_I'll just be the Boy-Who-Lived…_

**--x--**

Remus watched Harry as he sat at the table, eating his breakfast in a mournful fashion, one that he had lived in for four years. Hating himself; it was all he ever did these days. No matter how many times Remus tried to talk him out of his thoughts of blaming himself for the deaths of others, he couldn't. Every time he would walk out of the house and not return until midnight, leaving him in a fretful worry. A Wizard's Oath bound him to secrecy, so even when Remus wanted to tell others about Harry's whereabouts he couldn't. Remus remembered the day Harry had shown up at his apartment, three weeks after his disappearance…

"_Harry, by Merlin you're alive!" He exclaimed, jumping out of his seat to get to one of his best friend's son._

"_Of course I'm alive, I'm the _'Boy-Who-Lived'_" The bitterness in his voice startled Remus. He gave him a hug, trying to understand why he was so furious. Harry stood still in his hug for a few seconds before he started to speak._

"_You shouldn't love me Remus; you'll just end up getting hurt." The words hit him with such force that he was baffled as to what to say to the boy. He pulled out of the hug and looked at him. His jet black hair looked unwashed and dishevelled. His green eyes that usually shined with enthusiasm and youth now looked dull and glazed over in pain. The boy's skin was pale, losing its' glowing effect and his clothes looked horrible, dirt and grime piled on everywhere._

"_Dear Merlin, why would you say such a thing?" Remus whispered, not sure his voice was going to allow him to speak._

"_Isn't that what always happens? My parents loved me, they died; Sirius and Dumbledore loved me, they died. Ginny, of dear Merlin, she loved me but she died!" He was barley standing now, tears falling out of his dull green eyes._

"_They loved you so much they wanted to_ protect_ you Harry! Oh it was never your fault Harry! Never!" Remus cried, wanting Harry to stop crying' the tears didn't suit him._

"_NO! They died because of me! I couldn't protect them! I was _supposed_ to protect them!" sobbed Harry._

_Remus was shocked by the boy's defiance to be forgiven, "No Harry," he stepped forward and wrapped him in a hug a second time. "They died to protect you. You can't save everyone Harry, no one can." The boy simply sobbed in response. His small frame shook in his arms, but Remus held him. He had to get him to everyone else. Everyone who had been worried about where he was for weeks._

"_Let's go Harry, Hermione and Ron are going crazy looking for you. Hermione's cried her eyes out and I don't think I've ever seen Ron so worried," Remus knew it sounded a lot like a ramble but Harry's tears didn't seem like they were going to end._

_Remus suddenly felt a shove and was flung backwards almost falling on his back. "No! I'm never going to see anyone again! They'll all just die or get hurt if I'm there, just like Ginny. They'll try to help me and then vanish forever. Merlin I don't want anyone to love me ever again!"_

_Remus stood horrified by his words. Was this what the War had done to him, turned him into some sort of self-hating machine. "Harry…" But nothing else came from his lips as he watched Harry sink to his knees, still crying._

"_I found a cabin Remus; I've already hidden it under an invisibility spell so no one will be able to find it. I'm planning to live there forever, that way everyone will be safe. They'll have everyone they love and won't be in fear of losing them." The words hit Remus full on, sending him further into his vortex of horror and surprise._

"_What...Harry…? No, you…You can't do that!" Remus exclaimed._

"_Swear to me Remus that you won't tell anyone! A Wizard's Oath, swear Remus. I don't even know why I cam here…Oh Merlin, I'll only end up killing you too." Remus stepped forward to the boy and lifted his head up to look at him in the eyes. They were so empty, so hurt. The sheer extreme of that pain made Remus want to fade away, "A Wizards Oath it is…" What else was he to do?_

_He took out his wand and so did Harry. They both started to whisper the spell's incantation and a stringy gold vapour came out of both wands, swirling around them. As the words to the spell left Remus's mouth, the vapours came in closer and closer, until finally they went straight into the mouths of the two of them. Harry's golden string going into his mouth and Remus' into Harry's._

"_I vow to keep the conditions I have made in this Oath forever or face the consequences of death by the most painful means." Remus ended his part of the spell, likewise Harry._

"_It's sealed…" Harry's voice seemed more relaxed now, his crying having stopped when they had started the Wizard's Oath._

"_Harry this is foolish to hide away from everyone." Remus persuaded._

"_It's better this then every one of them dead." He argued back._

"_If you wish to live this way, then I'm coming with you." He had to do something; he wasn't about to let Harry, who was like a son to him, live on his own in some cabin._

"_You can't do that Remus; everyone will wonder where you went off to." Harry mumbled._

"_Oh, and they don't worry about you?" Remus found himself speaking to the boy in a bitter tone._

"_I know they do Remus but it's better if I'm not there to kill them off. Besides I don't want anyone—" Remus cut him off._

"_Harry I'm coming with you, whether you like it or not." His hard gaze must have convinced the boy who nodded grudgingly._

"_Fine, but you can't just live with me." Harry whispered, looking out a window of Remus's apartment._

"_I'll keep up my appearances, don't worry. Now where is this cabin of yours?" Remus asked, trying to get out of the current conversation._

"_Up north, still in England. Hold on to me, we'll Apparatate there." Remus extended his hand to the boy and before he knew his surroundings had changed he found himself in the same position he had been in his own apartment, in a very dirty cabin._

"Remus, aren't you supposed to be at work by now?" Harry's voice shattered Remus's reminisce of the past and he looked at the boy he considered more his son than anything else.

"You're quite right Harry. If you're still interested in the paper, it's by the sink." Remus explained to Harry, walking over to the door. "Goodbye, Harry."

He heard Harry say goodbye to him as he walked out the door. He needed to be at the Ministry, his partner Draco Malfoy was quite the pain in the arse.

**--x--**

"Bye…_dad_." Harry whispered the latter, smiling as the older man left the cabin. If it wasn't for Remus, he probably would have died in the cold of his cabin. It was all he needed, his cabin but Remus made everything better. Harry wasn't quite sure when, but he had started to see him as his father, having no one else to give the title to. Remus was one of his birth father's best friend's and he was rather close to Sirius so it's not like the possibility of Remus being second in line to be his godfather didn't exist. Besides Harry enjoyed seeing the man through the eyes of being his son, it made everything pleasant.

Harry's life had been an incarceration with pain, ever since he was born. People died around him like the seasons changed, it was wonder that Remus hadn't for four years. He had always been there and if not for the man, maybe Harry would have been alone in his cabin, collecting dust.

Two years ago, Remus had landed a job at the Ministry which was a surprise seeing as he was a werewolf and everyone seemed to despise them. It was never quite clear how he had gotten the job to Remus or Harry but nonetheless it had been a happy moment in their lives. He ended up having to work in the Department of Species Co-operation, where he was given the partner of Draco Malfoy. Harry had of course thought it odd that the boy was working in the Ministry but apparently Malfoy had been sentenced to sic months in Azkaban for attempted murder of Dumbledore but nothing else because he was being threatened by Voldemort of serve him. His mother's life in his hand.

Remus had told him one day that Malfoy hardly cared for his father, since the man had so eagerly followed Voldemort, leaving him to defend himself and his mother. From the way Remus talked about him, Malfoy seemed to have changed quite a bit, not so much that he wasn't a pompous asshole but enough to accept everyone without completely insulting them. Harry had snorted when Remus told him, adding on that Draco Malfoy would _never_ stop being a complete prick. Still Remus had pressed on that he had changed, for the better, displaying kindness that he hadn't imagined possible form a Malfoy. Again Harry had snorted in disbelief.

Harry noticed that the sink was full of dishes so he got up, picking up his plate and tea cup to wash them. Remus couldn't do everything; actually he didn't deserve to do everything.

Harry had spent his childhood washing dishes so he was rather good at it, making sure they all sparkled as he set them in the drying rack. After he finished he found that the paper was indeed next to the sink. He opened it up and found some stupid headline on the front page, 'Diagon Alley Infested with Rats!' Was that the best they could do these days? Rat infestation stories. Merlin, the Daily Prophet had sunk to new lows. Harry opened up the paper to find the tidbit on Hermione but as he scanned the paper for her news he saw a picture of Malfoy and Remus.

_Why didn't he say anything about this?_ Harry thought leaning against the sink to read the article, but his eyes didn't ant to read the article, they kept scanning Draco Malfoy. He had changed quite a bit, grown his hair longer to his shoulders, thank Merlin it wasn't slicked back. Instead it hung around his lean face, bringing out his silver eyes. He was taller, taller then him, and his body was lean, hiding underneath his black robes. Harry was surprised at how much handsomer the once annoying pest had grown.

_Remus isn't smitten with him is he? Is that why he's suddenly nice?_ Harry almost laughed at the thought but then recoiled in disgust. His father figure and _Malfoy_? Dear Merlin may it never be. Harry broke his gaze off of Draco Malfoy's smirking face and glanced at the rest of the picture. Remus stood beside him, looking calm as usual. The two seemed to be in a news room or something. Reporters stood around them, snapping pictures and asking questions.

Harry finally read the article, curious as to why Remus was in the paper.

_Today's biggest question being, 'when will the Giant populations come into control?' Draco Malfoy and Remus Lupin the Heads of the Department of Species Co-operation were questioned just yesterday at an arranged meeting. Their response were the usually Ministry remarks, 'We're trying,' 'The public need not worry, the situation is under control,' and the most popular 'If it was really out of control the Giants would be roaming the streets.' Of course this all just points to the lack of control the Ministry really has over the situation and are simply feeding us words of condolence so we don't get in there face and ask them questions._

Harry stopped reading there, realising why Remus didn't tell him about his picture in the paper, it was just the Daily Prophet's spewing, nothing more. Useless gibberish that was more a ramble then actual information; Harry was used to that kind of reporting.

He sighed as he put the paper down but then picked it up again to look at the picture of Malfoy. He looked smug like usual, his hands flapping around in an all-knowing manner. His eyes softened at Remus, who stood calmly beside his partner, not trying to act cool. He really was such a good man, and Harry had forced him to living in a crappy cabin instead of his apartment. He really was nothing more than a problem to everyone, a burden, just like the Dursley's had always told him.

Harry was surprised at his sudden remembrance of his only living relatives and retreated back into his mind to get away from those memories. His life back then had been nothing but miserable. His life had always been miserable, when he had finally been accepted into a society they put all their hopes and desires on him, leaving him even more afraid of whom he was.

Thoughts of suicide had been frequent back then, back when he was the bloody Saviour, everyone's last chance against the psychopath of the world. Voldemort was the one who had ruined his life, from the stay with his relatives all the way to his fear of being near anyone he loved. Even though the main source of his misery was gone, Harry was still afraid. He didn't want anyone else to suffer the way the rest of his loved ones had. Ginny was such a fool in saving him. The world would have defeated Voldemort; evil never lived, right?

Desperation wound it's way into Harry's heart as he stood in the kitchen, desperation to be free of the prison he had set for himself, desperation to be anyone but Harry Bloody Potter. He needed to go for a walk; it was the only thing that would calm him down, even if the walk was through cold conditions.

Remus would be upset if he got the flu so Harry made sure he had his coat and scarf on, and of course a good pair of gloves. His feet carried him out of his room, where he kept his few possessions to the door. Just as he opened it a gust of wind and snow flew into his face and the house, along with something else.

Harry fell backwards from the force of whatever it was that had hit him. As he looked up he saw an ebony black owl sitting on the snow covered floor. Harry quickly got to his feet to shut the door and picked up the owl, who seemed to happy to be somewhere warm. There was a note attached to his feet so Harry took it off, letting the owl fly about the cabin. It hooted in happiness and finally settled before the soft fire.

Harry's hands ripped open the note to see who could have possible known he was here. _Harry,_

_Meet me at the entrance of Knockturn Alley two days from when you receive this letter and at noon. I await your arrival._

_A friend._

Harry read the letter baffled that anyone could have found out where he was staying. Dear Merlin who had found out!? How did he truly know it was a friend and not some man out to kill him, or maybe he really was paranoid…

_I need to talk to Remus!_ Harry thought in horror, his mind racing, his heart hammering.

**----------------x----------------**

**Author's Note:** So who could this person be? Well you'll just have to wait:smirk: Hmm, the writing of this fic came from the current family issues I'm going through. Thus the reason I didn't update my other DM/HP fic. It's rough patch of problems that'll hopefully pass soon. I hope you all liked the fic, thanks for reading. :smile:


	2. Making Appearances

**Author's Note:** I would have posted this last night but my family issue came and slapped me in the face so I couldn't. My apologizes for the wait and I do hope you understand. The mystery man is revealed so enjoy your read!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters; it all belongs to JK Rowling. I do not make any profit off of this and am only using JK Rowling's creation for my own use.

**----------------x----------------**

**Dying As Sinners, Living As Saints**

_ Making Appearances_

The noon time sun shone high in the sky but gave off little to no heat. The surrounding trees hardly let any sunshine in, encompassing the undergrowth in an eerie darkness, where beams of light broke from the canopy to the ground. The air was still, the area silent. A single blonde awaited the arrival of the head of Giants who had agreed to a meeting.

He had on an attire of black clothes, making him almost invisible amongst the trees but to a Giants smell he would be all too visible. There was no worry that he would not be found by his adversary but still a fear rose in the young man's bones that told him it was not safe. The pale attributes of his skin almost glowed amidst the darkness, against his black garments, leaving one who would look on to him wonder if he was some magical creature of beauty.

Puffs of white blew out of his mouth every time he breathed out, but Draco was too busy paying attention to every sound, image and smell of another being. He was sure that when the Giant came, the ground would shake underneath his feet, sending trembles coursing through his body but he didn't want to risk it. This meeting had come after many tries and if he failed to negotiate all would fail. The Ministry _needed_ him to fix the matter; this was how he would get to a higher rank, although he didn't mind his current position.

Remus Lupin made a good partner; in fact Draco enjoyed his company. He would never admit to anyone but when the man had come to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts in his third year of school, Draco had had a small crush on him. He had been so beautiful, so charming to him. It seemed so unreal that the man was now his partner, but there were no feelings now. He had learned quite painfully and slowly that feelings were a man's downfall. If he hadn't have been such an emotional brat, there would have been a chance for him to go against the Dark Lord sooner rather than later, when it was already too late.

That's when the ground decided to shake thunderously, and Draco had to fight to keep his balance. His hand extended out to a tree to grasp its' limps holding his balance steady.

"Draco Malfoy?" Roared a voice that sounded deep and slightly peeved.

"Of course." Draco replied still holding onto the tree. He turned around slowly to find the Giant walking his way over to him. Draco almost cringed at the beast's appearance. As far as he knew, Giants were, simply put, ugly but this one, this one took the cake. Draco's face twisted into disgust but he hid it knowing the Giant may get angry at his blunt show of revulsion. This meeting had many hopes riding on it so it couldn't go wrong; in fact the Ministry had wanted to resolve the issue so soon that they had complied to all the Giants terms for the meeting, one being that only one person come. Of course, not twenty feet away Remus was hiding under an invisibility spell so it hardly mattered what the Giant thought.

"So what'd ya want?" It gurgled, as if the spit in his mouth wasn't about to leave. Draco felt the repulsion rise in him again, but continued to hide it; instead he put on his signature mask and replied to the ugly beast's question.

"I am sure you have heard of the Wizarding community's thoughts on your current actions. I am here to negotiate a treaty of sorts so that your kind and mine can live peacefully rather than by hating one another."

The Giant snorted, Draco hadn't thought it possible. "Peaceful existence, eh? Sod off ya fucking 'uman! I dun't want yer peace!"

"Think about it before you jump to any conclusions. You have killed three muggles in the last two months, which is causing trouble for us. If you agree to stop such actions, we will meet any of your conditions." Draco quickly said, making sure not to lose the Giant's attention.

"Any?" The Giant gurgled once again.

"Any." Draco confirmed, scanning over the odd creature's form. It was five times as big as he was, and very obese. The clothes it wore barely covered it, having tares and rips throughout. Draco really wanted to get away from the monster as soon as possible.

"'Right, you said any, so I want you to take my tribe to the nearest mountains cuz we ain't like it here in this here forest." He waved his hand about, smacking it into a tree. Draco's nose scrunched up involuntarily at its' stupidity. "I also want some magic. I ain't gonna kill anythin' but I want it fer fire, so we can cook our food, you got that?"

"I understand." Draco replied; exhausted with his conversation with the overgrown human who didn't have half the wit of one. "I will have to see if I can meet the second of your two terms but the first one can be done without problem."

The Giant grinned; it looked ridiculous on its features, "Thas good."

"Give my two minutes to ask the Ministry if the latter of your conditions can be met. If so, then by tomorrow morning you will be redirected to the nearest mountains." He explained, although he was hardly sure if it understood. It rumbled in approval and Draco turned around to walk over to Remus's position.

The walk was quick, for Draco wanted to get away from the stupid creature as soon as he possibly could. Draco was nearing the tree where he knew Remus stood, invisible to everyone. "Remus, I'm sure you heard what the idiot had to say."

"I did and I do think the Ministry will agree. We'll just make sure it's not too much magic," Remus replied. It was strange talking to nothing and yet getting replies. Draco felt the uneasiness rise within him.

"So should I say we've agreed or should we talk to the Ministry first?" Draco asked; making sure they didn't take any wrong steps.

"The Ministry will agree so tell the Grug that we accept his terms." Again the reply came from nowhere, leaving Draco uncomfortable.

"Alright." Draco responded, nodding his head slightly at where he though Remus was standing. With that he walked back to the Giant, keeping a good distance between himself and the beast. "We agree to your terms, Grug."

The Giant laughed and the sound bellowed throughout the quite of the forest. Draco compressed a shiver that ran down his back at its' odd laughter. "We'll be seein' yous tomorrow mornin' then?"

"Yes, yes," Draco replied hastily, the conversation was over so there was no need to linger any longer. The Giant attempted what Draco thought was a smirk and walked off, the ground shaking for the second time that day. Draco quickly reached for a tree branch and held on until he could stand without support. A sigh escaped his lips, the day's toughest work was done, now would come the paper work, which Remus was rather good at handling.

"A job well done, Draco." The voice came from behind him but Draco knew who it was.

"Why thank-you Remus," he replied, smirking as he turned around to face the man, who was thankfully there now.

"We should get going, the Ministry is probably eager for our arrival, besides this place is much too quite for my liking." With the last few words, Remus looked disturbed as if expecting something to leap out at him. Draco wanted to question him but thought better of it; he too, wanted to get away.

"Lets," his one word respond signalled to the werewolf that they would Apparatate back.

**--x--**

Harry had spent noon pacing about the living room of the poorly built cabin worrying about who could possibly now about his current location. Remus wasn't getting back until around five so there was no use staring up at the clock every few minutes to see how much time remained before he would be coming home. A fear like no other Harry had felt since facing Voldemort swept into his heart, making him tremble as he sat in front of his fireplace worrying about this supposed 'friend.'

He had though no one would ever realise where he lived yet someone seemed to have tracked him down somehow. But why? What use could they possibly have for him? He had wanted to live alone, by himself; he refused anyone else's company, besides Remus that is. It frustrated Harry to no end thinking over the matter, making him realise how useless he felt without someone to talk it over. It had always been that way, he always _needed_ someone to help him through his problems, and then that person would die helping him.

He couldn't tell Remus, or Merlin no! Remus would die too if he did, another death to his name, especially that of Remus's…No, he'd sooner kill himself. Maybe that was what he needed to do…kill himself. It was the only way to keep everyone safe, it's not as if the world needed him any further, he had done his _job_, he should be allowed the choice on how to live the rest of his life, however pathetic it may be.

His past memories hit him full blow in the face, when Hermione had seen the cuts on him, she had cried so much Harry had wanted to kill himself more than ever. Every time he had tried to end his life, he always failed, too afraid, too scared to know what it was like. He was such a problem to everyone, always getting in the way of their lives, always ruining in them. The Weasley's had given him so much love, so much acceptance and what did he do to thank them, kill of their daughter and sister. He was such a failure.

His mind wandered to the knives in the kitchen but remembered what Hermione had told him too. _"Harry you can't do this to yourself! Do you know how hurt everyone would be!? How much Ginny would cry?! Merlin, Harry you're such a selfish prick!"_ He was a selfish prick…he agreed with her but he hated himself for being such a burden. It's what everyone said, if not from their words then from their eyes. He hated himself, hated everything about himself! Why hadn't he died when Voldemort was around, why did he have to be the Bloody-Boy-Who-Fucking-Lived! _I'm so desperate…Merlin, so desperate._

He sprawled out onto the floor, the fire now roaring. Harry hadn't quite noticed that he had strengthened it, but he knew it was he who had done it. Wandless magic, it had been a slight forte of his. A Great Wizard is what they all remembered about him, but they always seemed to fail to see his faults. They had angered him when he was younger now he knew what he was, and he accepted it. A weak, idiotic fool who thought he could save the world, always letting someone down in the process.

He sighed, closing his eyes, wanting to escape it all. The thoughts cam once more, trying to get him up to the kitchen so he could shove the knife into his head or something instead of just bleeding himself to death. Could he? Of course not, he was too weak to even rid himself from the world.

He decided then that he wouldn't tell Remus, there would be no use in endangering the man in the process; he had already lost enough people he loved because of him. Lily, James, Sirius, Tonks… He needed to let the man live happily with someone who would love and cherish him. Tonks had been that women but she had died in the War fighting against Amycus, one of the Death Eaters who had been present on the night of Dumbledore's death. The two had died, leaving Remus no better than before. The man always seemed to lose everything, always being rejected because he was a werewolf…Harry loved him too much to lose him, to make him suffer, so he wouldn't let him worry. He'd go to Knockturn Alley himself, alone, and see who knew of where he was.

It all came back to who it could possibly be, not Hermione or Ron, they would have come to the cabin themselves, and none of them had a black owl. It couldn't be anyone he cared about for they all would have come to the cabin themselves to tell him what a great fool he was in staying away from them for so long even when he explained why. Who could it be!?

"ARG!" Harry screamed, getting up from his stance. It aggravated him to no extent that he didn't know who it was, or why they wanted to see him. "'A friend.'" Harry whispered softly, his mind racing with possibilities, for it could be anyone; it could be any enemy luring him into a trap. But once again it would have been easier to kill him in the cabin where no one would know or realise he was dead until Remus came home.

Harry could feel his brain frying in all the thoughts, everything overlapping itself, leaving him more confused then when he had gotten the note first.

The owl was sleeping now, right beside him on the floor. Harry wondered if it was hungry seeing as it did fly in quite a bit from wherever it came to get to the cabin, what confused him further is how it saw the house since it was protected with a number of wards. Harry got up, leaving the owl be in case it got angry if he picked it up. He walked into the kitchen driving his mind away from the letter and went straight down to the cellar. There would probably be something down there the animal could eat.

The stairs croaked as he walked down, his hand reaching for the wand he kept in his pant pockets. "Lumous." The wand's light spread everything in light and he could clearly see where he was going. The cellar was filled with most of the food that Remus and he needed that week, an assortment of meats and dairy products. Harry himself knew that there was some fish down there so he would get some for the owl to eat. It would like the fish; Hedwig had always enjoyed it.

Another recollection came to him as Hedwig's name came to mind. He had left the owl with Ron, thinking it better if he didn't have it around him, it could have given him away or something. He did miss the girl, but there wasn't much else he could do. Harry came to the fish and picked it up, taking it with him as he walked up the stairs. He reached the top when he heard the hoots of the owl.

He stepped into the kitchen and found it swirling around the cabin, panicking but it stopped as it saw Harry's form. It swooped in and settled down on the counter, still a bit unsettled. "I brought you something to eat little guy," Harry cooed as he gave the owl the fish, it immediately hooted its approval and appreciation and started to peck into it. Harry stroked its feathers; they felt silky underneath his finger. The owl hardly noticed that Harry was petting it.

Harry smiled softly at it, his heart fluttering at the emotion that was welling up inside of him; it felt like…happiness.

**--x--**

Remus came home a bit earlier than usual that night and Harry tried to act as normal as possible, so that he wouldn't give off any feelings of fear or nervousness. He had let the owl go just an hour before he had come.

"Harry, dinner!" Remus called him from the kitchen, Harry sat for a bit thinking about if she should go or not, he was rather hungry…He got up from the couch in the small living room and walked into the kitchen. As he sat down on his usually spot on the table, Remus placed a plate full of food down in front of him.

The smell of the mashed potatoes wafted up into his nose making Harry realise just how hungry he was, he took his spoon and started to eat. "You seem to be in a good mood!" Remus laughed, startling Harry a bit.

"Yeah…" he trailed, wondering if he was acting normal. He stopped ploughing down his mashed potatoes and twirled his spoon around in them, making a swirl formation in them. A thought hit him then, maybe if he got Remus's attention away from him dinner would pass by quicker and Remus could go home, then there wouldn't really be any problems. "How was work?" He asked, it was the first question that came to mind and wasn't that unusual for him to ask about Remus' job.

"Oh, Draco and I finally got the Giant problem out of the way. Talked to their Grug this morning, and made a sort of agreement. Of course paper work follows, meaning the next few days will be nothing but _paperwork_, but we'll manage." He answered, taking a seat beside him on the table.

"I read about the Giant problem in the paper," Harry commented, resting his elbows on the table and holding his spoon with both hands.

"So you did read the paper?" Remus asked, slightly bemused.

"Yes, I tried to find the bit about Hermione but gave up. It was rather stupid the article on you. The Daily Prophet pitiful paper, bashing is all they can do."

Remus was quite for a bit before he responded, "They do seem to lack real news, but they are still quite popular amongst the Wizards of this world."

"Mmhmm," Harry hummed in response, taking his spoon down to eat a bit more of the remaining mashed potatoes. The meat loaf that sat beside it looked good too; actually Remus was a good cook so Harry knew it would be good.

"Did you read anything else in the paper?" Remus asked, breaking the silence that had befallen between the two.

"No…it wasn't very interesting. Nice picture by the way," Harry smiled, taking a bit of his meat loaf.

Remus chuckled, "I'm surprised they even put a picture in."

"Well it added a nice touch. Everyone got to see just how elegant you are compared to Malfoy." Of course Harry was referring to the blonde's overly zealous attitude.

"Now, now, Harry. Draco's changed maybe not so much but he's not _that_ arrogant anymore." Remus always seemed to defend the man.

"Whatever you say Remus," Harry retorted, now finished his meat loaf so he moved on to the assortment of cooked vegetables.

"If you ever meet, which hopefully you will, you'll see he's changed just like you have my boy," said Remus as he got out of his seat, ruffling Harry's hair as he went to the sink.

"I haven't changed!" Harry argued, always the one in denial it seemed.

"Yes, living in the middle of a forest in Northern England because you blame yourself for everyone's death isn't changed, it's just stupid." Remus snorted and Harry knew why; the werewolf was peeved by his behaviour but he couldn't help it. No matter what he told himself everything would always come down to him being the bad guy, the one who seemed to ruin everything.

"I'm sorry Remus," Harry whispered, putting down his fork quietly. Was he really that horrible? Even Remus was sick of him now…Oh Merlin, he should have killed himself while he had the chance.

Remus sighed, and came over, "There's nothing to be sorry about Harry. I'm sorry for snapping at you." Harry felt him pat his head lovingly and he closed his eyes savouring it.

"Remus…what do you think of me as?" Harry asked, looking for a particular answer.

Remus on the other hand asked a question revealing confusion, "What do you mean?"

"Well, you know how I always thought of Sirius as my second father…since he was my godfather but by the end he was more like the father I never had but before I could tell him, he died." Harry's voice came out choked by the end of his sentence.

Nothing came from Remus for quite a while, he was probably reminiscing on Sirius's memories, Harry thought. It was another painful memory he had given the man. "I see you as my son, Harry, one that I am lucky to have."

The words rested in the air before Harry fully digested them, savouring every bite. His voice came out next, sounding so shocked that he wasn't sure it was his. "You…you do?"

"Yes." The hand that had been resting on his head had gone but it hardly mattered now, Harry had jumped out of his seat to stand in front of Remus, who now looked somewhat anxious. "Remus or if I can call you, Dad, thank-you. Thank-you for everything you've done for me and everything you will probably do for me." Tears were staring to well up in his eyes.

"Da-Dad…?" Remus stuttered, his eyes wide with astonishment.

"Yeah, I always saw you as mine, since…since we started living together like this. You're always worrying about me even though I'm such a nuisance." Harry's hand clutched the hair beside him, his hand going white from the strength he was using.

"Dear Merlin, you're no nuisance Harry!" Remus cried, tears bursting from his eyes. Harry was shocked to see the clear droplets fall from his eyes. Harry wasn't quite sure when but he was in Remus's arms being held tight, and it felt good. Soon enough he was crying too, hugging the man right back. It had been so long since he had wanted to tell him that he loved him for always being there for him. Remus Lupin was his only family, all he really needed to live the rest of his life.

"Harry…Merlin, Harry you don't know how happy you've just made me!" Remus laughed, tears still rolling down his face.

Harry laughed too, wondering how he was standing since his knees felt weak. He didn't now how to respond so he just held his _father_. He had one now, one he knew wasn't going to leave unless he put him in danger which he swore he would never do.

Remus pulled away, his eyes glancing Harry's form. "Thank-you Harry, for making _me_ the proudest father in the world." He held Harry by the shoulders and really did look proud. Harry wiped the tears from Remus's face and smiled.

"I never knew I did anything to be proud of…" He trailed, dwelling in his insecurities. "But you really shouldn't be thanking me."

"I'll have to do something about that attitude of yours, Harry." Remus laughed, still crying. It sounded funny so Harry laughed too. And that's how the night passed, with strange strangled laughter coming from the cabin in the middle of nowhere, troubles forgotten as both men laughed at their good fortune.

**--x--**

The next day passed away, leaving Harry feeling happier than he had in quite some time, four years really. Remus came home and the two had talked endlessly, Harry never once thinking about his bad qualities but rather laughing at the things the Marauders had done when they were young. His father had been quite the prankster…he almost felt sorry for Snape after hearing Remus talk about him.

Soon enough, two days had passed and Harry found himself saying goodbye to his father only to face his own predicament alone but he had to so he wouldn't cause Remus trouble. _It's the right thing to do; I'll be back before he even knows I was gone._

Harry looked at the only clock in the house, seven sixteen in the morning. This left about five hours until he had to be at the entrance of Knockturn Alley. Harry's mind swirled right back into his vortex of possible "friends" that would want to meet him in such a strange place. It was going to be a trying time waiting for noon to come…

_Why would someone want to meet me at Knockturn Alley? _His mind almost laughed at his question, there were plenty of reasons, killing him, beating him, having some weird obsession with him like the Creevey kid from Hogwarts. The main question was rather who would have wanted to meet him. The meeting place made him think it was some Death Eater who hadn't been caught or a _Slytherin_. He was being stereotypical, but no Gryffindor would be caught dead in Knockturn Alley, other than Hagrid…

Could it be Hagrid!? Harry shoved off the thought, it couldn't be Hagrid; the half-giant would half come to see him himself.

Harry felt like screaming in irritation but instead threw a punch into his mattress. He had gone to sit on the lumpy mattress after Remus had left, and felt rather pathetic since he couldn't place a name on his supposed friend. _What am I going to do for five bloody hours!?_

If Harry had ever thought he would go insane he had never thought it would have been in the arrival to go meet someone, especially when that someone seemed to be on the slightly dark, mysterious side. He sighed, closing his eyes, knowing that worrying over the matter wasn't going to get him anywhere. He'd just have to wait, wait like a good little Boy Saviour, although he was of age now.

Harry awoke with a start, never realising he had fallen asleep. He jumped out of his bed to go see the time, hoping he hadn't overslept. There was a sigh of relief in the living room as Harry's eyes met the hands of the clocks. "Ten past eleven."

That gave him more than enough time to put on something other than his usual garb of muggle clothes; he would need to put on something more Wizarding World. Harry walked off to his closet and pulled out a black robe, along with a crisp white shirt and black dress pants. He may as well look the part of the "Chosen One."

Running a hand through his messy locks Harry walked out of his cabin, not worried that someone would go into it. He then walked a bit further before he knew he was out of the protection of the wards before putting an invisibility spell on himself and Apparatating to Diagon Alley seeing, as he didn't know what the entrance to Knockturn Alley looked like.

His invisible form found itself standing in the bustling streets of Diagon Alley and Harry smiled. It felt kind of nice being out of his past surroundings. People were walking past him laughing, arguing, and talking to each other about what was in the windows. Harry had to dodge quite a few people so he wouldn't get trampled or caught. The streets looked beautiful, much better than what he had seen five years ago, a lively, colourful personality drifted within the buildings.

Harry moved quickly, walking around people, some street venders, and their shops. He knew the way to Knockturn Alley, since he had ended up there before a few times, his first visit anything but pleasant. He had reached the end of Diagon Alley when he saw the dark, creepy entrance to Knockturn Alley. It was a small alley way that led into the quite, unearthly streets of Knockturn Alley. Harry stepped forward cautiously, looking everywhere for any sign of a person. He had left the cabin at eleven forty-seven, and was quite sure the walk to the entrance was a good ten minutes, meaning he was only three minutes early. The person who had called him here must have had the sense to show before him…right?

That's when he noticed a figure, dressed in nothing but black, come to stand near the alley entrance. He waited a few minutes before walking in, Harry quickly followed. The man, at least Harry thought it was a man because of his short black hair and height, walked in large strides, his height contributing to his steps. Harry studied the person, short black hair, dressed in all black, with pale sickening skin, quite like his own. Hrary still didn't know who it was.

"Mr. Harry Potter, you can come out of your invisibility spell, as you can see there is absolutely no one around." The man said, startling Harry so that he almost tripped on his own feet. The man turned around, and Harry came face to face with a person he knew but not quite that well.

"Theodore Nott?" He whispered, rather perplexed as to why the Slytherin boy had sought him out.

"I'm surprised you even remember me…" Nott commented before smiling rather oddly, as if he wasn't used to the emotion.

"Why…why did you…of all people…" Harry didn't know where to start, and as a result blurted out all his questions at the same time.

Theodore Nott laughed slightly, amused by Harry's difficulty to grasp the situation. "Come this way, and we can talk seated." He waved his hand to a wall, and Harry understood that it was probably an entrance or something.

"Alright." He replied, not as worried as he had been when he first came out of hiding. Theodore took out his wand from his robes and waved it at the wall, the stones immediately moved out of place to reveal a set of stairs. Nott began to walk up, so Harry followed, seeing as he had agreed to talk to the man. The stones closed behind him and Harry found himself trapped in a stairwell with a man he hardly knew. The walls were made of the same grey stone like that of the wall he had left behind, the stairs on the other hand seemed to be made of wood.

Harry swallowed, as he took each step up the stairway, his mind wandering and his heartbeat picking up pace. Nott waved his wand again, at what Harry saw was another wall. The stones moved out of the way and Nott walked into an unlit room. Just as Harry stepped in lights went on and Harry found himself standing in a small apartment. A questioning brow rose as he stood taking in his surroundings.

"Do you not want to take off your invisibility spell?" Harry heard Nott ask as he himself scanned the kitchen that sat at his left.

"Oh…" His voice lingered in the stone walls of the apartment, Harry muttered the reversal spell, and he came out of his invisible mode. It felt odd letting someone other than Remus see him, almost as if was about to be studied by something as an experiment.

The apartment on the other hand had a purple and green colour scheme going on, reminding Harry of Slytherins all too well. But even though the colour scheme seemed unfriendly the rest of the apartment made Harry feel quite at home, giving of a very homey air. The room in which he stood now seemed to be the living room, being the only air for any one to sit in. A spread of papers sat on the table in front of one of the couches and two stools sat acting as chairs to the counter in the kitchen. The floor was made of the same wood as the staircase but the stone walls were covered with tapestries to hide them.

"Welcome Mr. Harry Potter to my humble abode," said Nott as he walked into his small kitchen.

"Call me Harry," Harry said before he could really think.

"Then you can call be Theodore, Theo if you must." Harry heard the former schoolmate reply.

"Alright." Harry replied, wanting to start asking Theodore all the questions swirling in his head.

"Coffee?" Theodore offered; Harry nodded his head in acceptance. Harry stood where he was, watching the man pour coffee into two mugs, adding in sugar and then mixing the cups. "Do you want cream or milk?" Harry shook his head to the question. Theodore smiled at him and walked over to him. Harry for the first time really took in his appearance. His black hair fell into his calculating grey-brown eyes, and his form was slender, just about the same as Harry's since he had gone into hiding. He was, however, half a head taller than he was, adding to his lean image. He handed Harry a cup of coffee which Harry took, allowing the warmth to wrap around his fingers.

"I'm sure you have a large number of questions running around in your head, so have a seat and I'll explain some of the questions I know you have." Theodore said, walking to a single armchair by the small fireplace that was in his living room.

Harry moved from his own spot and sat down on the couch with the coffee table in front of it. He put his coffee down on the table and sat right on the edge waiting for the odd character to start explaining.

**----------------x----------------**

**Author's Note:** Hopefully none of you guessed it could be Theo! MUAHAHA! Oh yeah, I rock! lol! Review if you can, it would be greatly appreciated if you did. Thank-you for reading. :smile: Ah yes, so the question in your minds now: Why did he track Harry down!? Wait and find out. :evil grin:


	3. A Rude Awakening

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters; it all belongs to JK Rowling. I do not make any profit off of this and am only using JK Rowling's creation for my own use.

**----------------x----------------**

**Dying As Sinners, Living As Saints**

_A Rude Awakening_

"I guess it all started when you killed my father, I was so…I'm not sure what that feeling was, something between relief and hatred. My mother loved him, even if he was an idiot following a mass murderer; and I wanted to bring that love back to her face. I myself was never quite fond of my father; he never bothered to have any sort of relationship with me, so his death didn't cause me much pain." Here Theodore paused, trying to recollect his thoughts so he could give the Saviour a proper explanation.

His curious eyes went to Harry's frail form and took in every aspect of his features. He still had his messy black hair which seemed a bit longer than it had been back at Hogwarts but his eyes had lost their vibrancy and now were a dull watery green. His skin was so pale it seemed like the Golden Boy was a ghost, worse was how fragile he looked. His entire body seemed to have lost its previous muscle, muscle he had gained from six years of Quidditch practice.

Harry sat there staring back at him, waiting for him to continue. Looking away from Harry, back to his cup of coffee, Theodore continued. "I was angry that you were the reason why my mother wasn't eating, sleeping or doing anything else for that matter. I had to force her to eat, and I spent most of the nights awake with her. It was because of that fierce anger that I joined the Death Eaters, as you probably already know. I got a hold of Draco and told him that I wanted to be a Death Eater. He immediately told me off, said I was crazy. He began to tell me about all the crap he went through working for that devil, but in my anger I completely ignored his protests and I found Greyback, who got me to the bastard right away. Within the night I was branded and a Death Eater. I can tell you now Harry that the immense happiness I felt then was simply there because it confirmed I could get my revenge.

"The six months that followed told me just how _stupid_ I had been. Draco was right, life as a Death Eater was impossible. We would kill so many innocent people _every_ night; it was disgusting! But he wouldn't let us stop, always threatening to kill off the person most precious to us."

Theodore's eyes were angry now, and his knuckles were white from squeezing the arm of his armchair. Flashes of his mother's murder, blurs of the faces of the people he'd had to kill jumped out in his mind. "It was a horrible mistake, Harry, horrible…" his voice fell, his body sinking into the armchair. Resting his head against the back of the chair he closed his eyes trying to erase the memories, even if only for a few seconds. Normally he would have taken them out completely but he needed them to tell Harry the _entire_ story.

"Yeah…I know…" Theodore's eyes opened up and looked at Harry; he was looking down into his cup of coffee, back hunched over, a terrible aura of pain swirling around him.

"Well, the rest is pretty much history, after those six months I ran into the Ministry of Magic along with a few other Death Eaters who had had enough and gave them all the information we knew. Yeah, a cowardly thing to do but I was never built for going around butchering people. I was never that strong of a person to begin with so I didn't care. When I think about it, if I hadn't have gone to the Ministry then, I would be in Azkaban now, toiling away." A heartbreaking smile made its faint traces on his lips.

"I apologize for causing you more trouble then you needed, but it's over now. Thank Merlin for that and you of course." Theodore added quickly, almost forgetting why Harry had gone into hiding in the first place.

"Whatever, what happened next?" Harry asked him, the words filled with a contemptuous bitterness.

Theodore sighed, for some reason worrying about Harry's state of mind. "Well, like I said earlier, the Dark Lord threatened to kill those most precious to us, and that's exactly what he did. He slaughtered my mother and then the bastard had an envelope of pictures sent to me just so I could see how horribly he had killed her. She…she…Merlin!"

Theodore's fist collided with the arm of the armchair and he fought back tears as the images concealed in the photos hit him full force. His mother's crazed look…her tortured eyes, it was haunting, all of it.

"It's okay you don't need to tell me what he did to her, I have a pretty good idea. I saw enough of the victims he didn't use Avada Kedvra to kill." Harry replied, but Theodore knew there was no sympathy in his voice; the reply was lifeless, emotionless. Theodore said nothing, but watched him as he sat on the sofa looking down into his cup of coffee. The room remained in a silence, broken finally when Theodore thought he shouldn't keep his guest waiting. Clearing his throat, so to notify Harry he was about to go on with the story, Theodore began again. "The Ministry had promised me that she would be safe but I guess I shouldn't have trusted them…I had been terrified and had thought that the Ministry would keep her safe due to my own fear at the time. But he killed her; he killed the remaining families of the other Death Eaters who decided to leave him. At this point, I hated myself more than anything. I had become a Death Eater to get revenge for my mother and had killed her instead.

"In the next three months you killed the Dark Lord and everything was over. I was put on trial to be sent to Azkaban but they ruled against it, since I had surrendered beforehand. There were more than a few Death Eaters who had gotten away from the Ministry and were out killing everyone who had betrayed the Dark Lord. I escaped that too, though it was close.

"At that point everyone was celebrating since you had killed the Dark Lord but then you went missing. Out of the blue, you just disappeared. When I found out I thought it was rather odd, ridiculous even that you would leave everyone when everyone was thanking you and praising you for your bravery. But I guess you had your reasons. I spent the year after that finding a new place to live in other than the mansion. I sold it off to someone else and bought this place," Theodore swept his hand at the apartment.

"Then something interesting happened. I went back to Hogwarts as I was offered a job there as Ancient Runes professor. They have this _huge_ picture of you there now, right in the Great Hall. It's definitely something, but when I first saw it my thoughts went back to your disappearance and it got me wondering.

"I spent many nights awake going through newspaper articles, books and Merlin knows what else; I met an assortment of people and travelled to different places whenever I could, trying to figure out where you could have gone. I had this feeling, like a gut intuition, that you weren't dead. Eventually I talked to Remus, and he acted odd, to say the least, when I asked him about you and when he had seen you last. I somehow felt there was something else going on so I followed him. I noticed that he would Apparatate right when he reached his apartment but I obviously had no clue as to where. So, I had a friend of mine who works at the Ministry, in the Department of Transportation help me out. I learnt from him that if you had someone's magic residue, you could track where they Apparatated, when and what magic they did.

"I spent a _lot_ of time trying to get his residue; it sounds easier than it is. Eventually I met with him again at a coffee shop and got the residue when he did some magic at the café because I 'accidentally' spilled my coffee on him. Don't worry it was cold." Theodore smiled at Harry, whose head had shot up when Theodore had said he had spilled the coffee on Remus.

"Then the rest is self-explanatory. I had my friend track down where Remus went and finally after a few months, I found your little shack, hidden under an invisibility spell and a few wards. I'm surprised you didn't use a Fidelius Charm. Of course I couldn't enter the shack and at that moment, I was _very_ unsure why Remus was Apparatating to the cabin everyday. And so, I did more research, eventually through some odd chance of luck I found out, that Remus had a _friend_ awaiting him in the cabin. The friend, obviously, was you. It took me two and a half years to find you and another six months determining whether or not I should contact you…Eventually, as you can see, I decided I would, because _I_ was curious as to why you so badly wanted to disappear from the world, and why you would resort to living in a, excuse the derogatory term, crappy cabin of all places." Theodore finished, taking the last sip of his coffee and placing the empty mug on the side table beside him.

He glanced at Harry, who seemed to have gotten very tense and had yet to drink any of his coffee. It was probably cold by now, but Theodore thought that even if he had had some, Harry would have found the Caribbean originated coffee blend too bitter for his tastes. Theodore's calculating eye was out again and he was analyzing every bit of Harry, from his ragged appearance to his lack of speech. A few conclusions could be drawn, Harry was obviously in a weak state of mind, however he was probably still just as feisty if not more because he didn't want anyone to attack him in his current state. He evidently didn't care for his appearance, suggesting that he lacked all self-confidence. Theodore found it incredibly anomalous that Harry would turn into such a pitiful case.

Harry looked up from his mug and at him, Theodore was intrigued by the loathing look he was getting. "It was none of your fucking business as to why I disappeared, so you could have just left me the fuck alone!"

Theodore _was_ a Slytherin and his nasty side shot up right away, "No need to get flustered Potter!"

"Flustered!? You think I'm fucking flustered! I'm pissed off, is what I am _Nott_!" He spat Theodore's last name out as if it was something repulsive sitting on his tongue.

Theodore glared but held himself back; he knew aggravating the Chosen One wasn't going to get him anywhere. "Calm down, Harry." Theodore gentled his expression and gave a soft smile to show he wasn't angry with Harry.

"Calm down?! Why the fuck is it, that you Merlin damned fucking bastards can't leave me the hell alone!? Seven years of my life with people chasing after me! I don't fucking need it!" Harry screamed, now standing. In all his rage he threw his cup at the wall. The coffee splashed all over the rich tapestry that hung on the wall and the carpet underneath, as the cup hit the wall full force, shattering into pieces.

Theodore quickly got up, and took a step towards Harry. "I wasn't chasing after you, don't be so arrogant. I simply wanted to know _why_ you disappeared. If you're not willing to tell me, then so be it. I won't tell anyone of your whereabouts, if that's what you want but honestly you're a fool for disappearing. I've talked with your friends from back then, and the minute I mentioned you to them, Hermione's face teared up, Ron became rigid and put on an angry look, Molly and Arthur put on a concerned look, hell even Snape looked like he was fucking worried about you! But it looks like they're wasting their time trying to find you because you're so fucking full of yourself! Get whatever you have shoved up your ass out Harry, and take another look around you. No one's chasing after you anymore, they're just concerned!"

Theodore met Harry's glare with one of his own. "And how," Harry hissed, "Would you know what I'm going through?!"

Theodore laughed, "Harry, you've been going _through_ it for the last four fucking years, I think you've had enough time to _get over it_!"

Harry's jaw clenched and he replied rather icily, "Thank-you for the coffee. I'll be leaving _now_."

"So you're going to walk away eh? Seems like what you've been doing for the last four years. Walking away from reality. Ha! You're pathetic."

The insult caught Harry just where Theodore wanted, he swung around and glared at him with so much force that Theodore thought he would kill him any second then. "Shut-up! Just shut-up!"

"Nice come back," Theodore chuckled, "It shows just how right I am."

" ARG! You don't know what the fuck I've went through!" He blared back, his screams nothing more than whines.

"Let me guess, people you loved died, you had a huge responsibility shoved on you, you had to murder people because it was the only way to get by, you had to let go of the people most important to you and you're stressed out? Did I miss something?" Theodore countered his voice scornful.

Suddenly Harry laughed, the laugh was startling, and caught Theodore completely unaware, the bitterness, the hatred, the anger, it was all there, hidden in the sneering laughter. "You know you got all of it Theodore, every single bit. It's funny isn't it, how easy I am to read. A self-pitying, depressed fuckface. I know it, so you don't have to point it out."

"I don't think you do Harry, that sounded more like you were trying to beat yourself down again rather than convince me."

"Well, what do I have to say to let you know that I _understand_ the way I'm acting? In fact why do I have to justify myself to _you_ of all people?"

Theodore smirked, "You've become rather cynical haven't you Potter, a real lunatic. It's alright, I don't care if you don't justify it to me; you just need to convince yourself that what you're doing is right."

**--x--**

Remus felt extraordinarily tired as he tried to finish his work. He knew it was past lunch but the paperwork wasn't going to finish itself and there was quite a bit of paperwork. He glanced at the pile and then brought his fingers to his eyes, rubbing them softly to try to get the sleep out of them. His office sat right next to Draco's who had left ten minutes ago to have lunch, possibly with a friend. Remus had simply nodded and let the man go.

"I should take a break," Remus sighed, sitting back in his chair. It was amazing how tired he had gotten just from filling out a few forms.

Pushing his chair back from his desk, Remus stood up and stretched, walking over to the window in his office that sat in the back right corner. His eyes drifted over the other furniture in the office, the polished drawer full of already finished paperwork, the wooden, elaborately decorated, deep red chairs for guests to sit in, the full dark brown bookcase in the front by the simple white door and the small vase that sat next to the bookcase on a wooden table made of the same wood as the chairs, filled with Sirius's favourite flowers, white lilies.

Remus stopped in his steps to the window and took a long look at the flowers. They were delicate in their appearance, fragile, just how Sirius had described him. _Isn't that why you liked them best…because they reminded you of me_. A sad smile took place on his features, and Remus turned away from the flowers, afraid of what he would do if he kept looking at them.

His feet began once more, to take him to the near by window and as he peered out, the weather chosen for the day looked back at him, bright and sunny. A soft sigh escaped his lips and he looked over at the clock nailed right above his door. It was ten past one, and Draco had left for lunch only fifteen minutes ago, meaning his partner probably wouldn't be back until around two. Remus then concluded that this meant he could slack off for a bit, perhaps eat something himself although he didn't have the appetite.

Focusing back to the window, Remus glanced upwards at the sky. It was beautiful day, as far as weather in October went. The sky was a spectacular blue, cloudless and beautiful. It reminded him of Hogwarts, those days when he would sit outside with James, Sirius and Peter and laugh about ridiculous things. Eventually James and Sirius would spot Snape and all hell would break lose. The pranks, the jokes, the humiliation that Snape had to face…Remus had always felt sorry for him but was afraid that if he told James and Sirius to tone it down he would lose them, would lose Sirius.

Remus felt his heart ache, to the point where he thought he would cry, his hands reached for the window sill and he held it, grasping the rough cement as if his life depended on it. _But I did lose you…I lost you forever_. His heart cried out again, this time harder and Remus felt like throwing up. He sank down, hands shaking as he settled into the corner of the room and his head hit the wall behind him softly. His eyes closed and he found himself having a flashback…

_"Remus, what kind of a name is that? It won't suit James kid at all!" Sirius scoffed. _

_"And I suppose you know what will," Remus countered with a roll of his eyes. _

_"Of course I do! We'll name him Edward," the glee on his face made Remus' heart beat faster. _

_"_Edward_? That sounds horrid," Lily laughed, cuddling into James further. _

_"What!? It's a perfectly well suited name for the kid!" Sirius whined, slamming his fist down on the table in front of him. _

_"How do you know it's going to be a boy?" James enquired, smirking at his friend. _

_"He told me he has a hunch," replied Remus, tone sarcastic. _

_"Really now?" Lily asked, in mock surprise. _

_"I can assure you my hunches are _always_ right." Sirius claimed, head in the air like some big shot. Remus couldn't help but laugh. "And what are _you_ laughing at?" _

_"Just how ridiculous you are." Remus smiled, soaking in Sirius's peeved expression. _

_"Well what _are_ you going to name the kid?" Sirius asked, putting aside Remus's insult. _

_"Well I for one like the name Remus suggested." James beamed. "Harry Potter. It has a nice ring to it." _

_"And if it's a girl, Sirius, we'll name her Edward." Lily joked, and everyone but Sirius joined in. _

_"Har, har, very funny." He retorted, looking off to the side in a miffed fashion. _

_"Come on Sirius, we're only joking!" James laughed. _

_"I know…" Sirius trailed, breaking out into a grin. "I must say Lily, you've become one of us!" _

_"Oh don't you dare mix me in with your like!" She laughed, getting up slowly. Remus was looking intently at Sirius's childish look of delight in response to Lily's reply. _

_"Ah, we need to get going guys!" said James, a look of concern crossing his face as he glanced at his watch. _

_"I guess we can't share these moments as much as we once did…" Remus commented, getting up himself. "Come on Sirius, we have that assignment Dumbledore gave us. Good-bye Lily, James and Harry…unless it is an Edward." He added at the end, giving everyone one last laugh as they parted from the small table they had spent a few minutes at, to finish up their respective duties as Order members. _

_Sirius sighed as he waved his goodbye to his best friend and stepped into place with Remus and the two Apparatated to Hogsmeade. _

Remus chuckled thinking about the way Sirius always acted, so boisterous at times, so childish…he missed all of it. Remus's eyes fluttered open and he glanced down at his hands. Hands that had only been able to hold Sirius a few times, not every night like he had wished. _I'm opening up old wounds,_ Remus told himself, disappointed in his himself. Hadn't he promised Sirius that he would never mourn over him so? _But I'm weak Sirius…I'm weak without you. _

It tore at his heart, that he had lost Sirius after he had finally, after seventeen years of unrequited love, confessed his feelings to him and been informed that Sirius had always loved him too. There were only three years to what they had and then Sirius faded away out of existence and Remus was left once again, alone.

A sharp pain stabbed him in the chest, and he felt sicker than before, wanting so much to stop thinking of Sirius. His mind was flooding, flooding with memories, both good and bad. Remus could feel his throat choking up, and he found it hard to breathe, his eyes blurred and he could feel hot tears cascade down his rough cheeks.

_Why'd you have to go…?_

**--x--**

Draco was getting tired of listening to the half-wit babbling in front of him. Of course he wasn't showing his inner disgust and annoyance but held an expression of nonchalance at what the short, rather obese man wouldn't stop ranting about. It had something to do with inaccurate reporting but that was about all Draco had caught. His eyes were drifting off into the distance and he focused in on a particular cup of pens, everything surrounding zoned out into a blur of sorts.

"And they have the _nerve_ to say we're not doing our job!" Draco heard the man say in the background. He was on his lunch break so why was he silently listening to some old geezer spew as he focused on a bloody cup of fucking _pens_?

"Mister…Uhh, whatever your name is, I need to get going. My partner is probably still working and he needs a lunch break too." He lied smoothly with a smile. The smile on Draco's face however, looked anything but insincere and it was taking a lot out of Draco to keep it on. One thing he had learned about working in the Ministry was if you wanted to climb the ladder you needed to _act_ nice to everyone, even the idiots.

"Oh of course, Mr. Malfoy! I'll be going then!" The man scurried off to wherever his office was and Draco found himself thinking the man a mouse…_I think I'm becoming _nicer_ lately…He looks more like a hippo. _

Snickering at his own joke, Draco spun around and made his way to the Ministry fireplace. Grabbing a handful of Floo powder, Draco was just about to shout his destination when he saw Granger walk by the fireplace as if she had a million places to be at once. Draco smirked at her still puffy hair and obsession to be the smartest one of all. He had read this one Muggle fairy tale; _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_ and Granger reminded him of the nasty Queen. _I wonder how Granger would get rid of her Snow White, perhaps a poly juice potion after she locked Snow White in some far away tower with more than a few wards surrounding her. Poor Snow White, she'd die right in that tower. _

Draco's smirk widened as his train of thought led him to a nice, frilly finish. Granger's back vanished down the hallway and Draco grimaced, sad his fun had disappeared. _I guess I should finish lunch_.

Stepping into the fireplace he got the Floo Powder in his face so he could blow it as he shouted his destination. Yelling, he blew the powder out of the palm of his hand and it surrounded him in its greenish purple dust, throwing him into the vortex that would lead him to Diagon Alley.

**--x--**

Remus had regained his composure and brought himself to stand up, but he still needed the support of the window sill to keep him up. His breath was coming out in short, rapid rasps, all the while he was pushing the memories back, shoving them into a corner so he wouldn't feel sad, or unhappy because Sirius had made him promise, long before that if either of them died before the other, the one left would move on, find someone new.

Remus had tried but…it just didn't work. Yes Tonks had stepped into his life, but he knew that what he had felt for her had been nothing more than a need to have his wounds filled, to have Sirius erased, so he kept away from her.

Even if she had been persistent and stubborn…

After Sirius, Remus wasn't sure he wanted to love someone as wholly again. The thought made him feel angry with himself, as if he was betraying Sirius. 20 years of loving him, Remus really didn't think he would be able to look at someone in the same light again.

He looked out the window again, eyes wandering to the green hills that resided at the base of the building. It was almost amusing how Magical Maintenance liked to make everything seem so beautiful when they wanted it. Remus often thought that they adjusted the weather to how they felt, for if he was the one in charge, he would have had it raining, heavily and non-stop in a thunderous manner that would scare even those that weren't normally afraid of thunderstorms. Sighing heavily, he was finally managed to stand on his own again and turned around, to take a look at the clock. Hardly anytime had passed, it was only one twenty six.

Remus could feel all desire to do any work trickle out of him and he went back to watching the fake weather, wishing he wasn't at work anymore and instead sitting with Harry at home, talking about something that was irrelevant to everything else.

**--x--**

Draco found himself standing in the fireplace that deposited so many witches and wizards to the busy streets of Diagon Alley. He glanced around himself, peering at the different shops and the witches and wizards shopping at them. Diagon Alley had cleaned up over the years; it had become more respectable, homier really.

For some reason, unknown to Draco, he liked the new Diagon Alley, what with its newly added paint jobs and splashes of colour. There was an good feel to the place, so as Draco stepped out of the fireplace and onto the dirty brown road in front of him, he almost smiled. Of course if he actually had, Merlin knows what would have happened to his reputation.

A scowl made its way onto his face as he thought about reputation, his father was still coursing through him and he wanted so desperately to get rid of every trace. But he couldn't smile and he knew why, nothing had ever happened in his life that was worth smiling about.

Draco's scowl became permanent, as even the streets of Diagon Alley couldn't make him happy again. He walked to a favourite restaurant of his to place an order, where he would have his lunch, and try to bring himself out of his now growing foul mood.

_Why'd I even start thinking down that path…?_

**--x--**

Harry couldn't believe the nerve of this guy, this _friend_! He was so fucking sure of himself, and he hated it! It was like talking to another Hermione, except this one wasn't as nice or understanding.

"I don't need to convince myself that I'm right." Harry ground through his teeth, his nails digging into the soft flesh of his palm as he clenched his hand into a fist.

"Then why Harry? Why'd you run away!? After all those fucking years of listening to everyone and doing what they expected of you, why run away at the very end when it was all over!?" The taller boy questioned, his tone rising with every word.

"Why do you care so much?" Harry retorted back.

"I'm curious. I've always been curious and always will be. I can tell you this much Harry, I'm a nasty piece of work. What you see before you today is a polite man who knows his manners but when I can't get the answers I want, I'm not so polite anymore," Theodore growled. Harry suddenly felt nervous…_So the way he was acting was all an act? _

Instead of displaying his unease, Harry laughed, "So you're just another Slytherin bastard are you?"

"No, I'm just curious. It's a bad trait in my case," was his reply and he took a step forward. For some reason Harry was afraid.

"Curious? Why in the fucking world do you want to know _so_ badly as to why I ran off?" Harry repeated for the fourth time.

Theodore sighed, "You're intriguing. I have a genuine interest in you and, ah you wouldn't understand! How could you? You're not my kind of intelligent. My curiosity lands me into a lot of trouble but I can't stop it. It turns into an obsession. Do you think I would waste three years of my life for nothing, no, it's part of me to find answers. Especially answers that no one else knows."

Harry wasn't sure how to react, he just stared at the man before him and raised an eyebrow, "You're fucking obsessed?"

"If you'd like to put it in such disparaging terms, than yes," he replied, taking out his wand. Harry took a quick step back and his hand shot down to his own wand. "Don't worry Harry; I'm only cleaning up your mess. My mother would have scolded me if she found such a mess in my room, I can't disappoint her."

_Does he have a mother complex?_ Harry thought…_Not that I'm one to talk, seeing as I probably have more problems than he does_.

Harry was just about to say something when the stones of the wall he had entered through moved to reveal a figure Harry was quite sure, he had never wanted to see again.

It was safe to say the figure was equally surprised. "Potter...?"

Harry Apparatated immediately and landed in a pile of snow just outside his cabin. He sat in the snow with a look of horror etched into his face. How could he know…of all the people in the world, HIM?!

**--x--**

"His office is right down there sir." The man pointed out to him. He nodded his head curtly, the hideous appalled look on his face never leaving. He walked down the hallway making his way to his godson's office hoping to have a word with him on the matter of the Malfoy Manor. Even if he had no desire to live in it anymore, he couldn't just have it sitting there collecting dust.

Witches and wizards doing their jobs walked by him, all looking away as if he was the persona of fear…or perhaps death. The latter made him feel happier, his kind of happier.

He could see that the door to the office was open as he was walking towards his destination, and because he knew his godson would only make some sort of a snarky response as to why he didn't knock, Severus didn't bother.

He walked right in, only to find Remus Lupin standing by the window looking slightly more than troubled and not very in control of himself. Severus was about to leave when the werewolf turned around and saw him. _He probably heard me come in…_

"You?" Lupin asked, seeming baffled.

"Didn't your mother tech you how to greet a visitor?" Severus replied, with a look of disgust.

_I'm in the wrong office…_

**----------------x----------------**

**Author's Notes: **This chapter is very all over the place but I like it like that, it's more amusing that way. I realize this chapter is kinda "happy" but it was sorta of needed. R&R please and thank-you.


	4. Barely Breathing

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters; it all belongs to JK Rowling. I do not make any profit off of this and am only using JK Rowling's creation for my own use.

**----------------x----------------**

**Dying As Sinners, Living As Saints**

_Barely Breathing_

Eyes wide, Harry stumbled, tripping over his feet as he made it back into the cabin. His fingers were shaking, not from the cold but the fear of being found. And of all people, being found by _Draco Malfoy_! The cold doorknob felt like ice as he twisted it open and stepped into the warmth of the cabin.

His mind was disjointed, and it was as if he couldn't think at all anymore, let alone straight. How could he have been so…so stupid! First to go to the damned alley and talk to Theodore Nott and then, then to be found by Draco _Bloody_ Malfoy! If things could get worse, Harry didn't want to be around to see them.

What was he going to do now? Malfoy had obviously seen him; he had even called him out and…and, now what? Theodore would have to explain what had just happened and then Malfoy would know. He'd know everything and quite possibly come to check on him…He'd tell everyone, Malfoy couldn't keep his mouth shut for anything, especially Harry.

Was, was this the end? Harry fell to his knees of the old wooden cabin, the door behind him open, letting in the still, bitter cold of Northern England.

**--x--**

Draco had walked into Theodore Nott's apartment; hands filled with two plates of his favourite pasta, lasagne, so that he could eat with his friend not find someone he had long gone thought dead.

"Was…Potter…Nott, what….fuck." His thoughts were running out of his mouth quicker than his brain could form proper sentences. He could hardly grasp what his eyes had seen, so he stared at Theodore waiting for him to say something, _anything_.

Theodore just sighed, placing his left hand on his hip and running the other through his hair only to have it rest on his neck. He closed his eyes and looked like he was suppressing an urge to scream. Draco knew; he'd dated the man for more than a year.

"Theo, what the fuck?" It was the first coherent question out of his mouth and as he waited for his reply he finally moved out of the doorway and lightly threw the lasagne on the kitchen counter.

"Draco, you, ARG!" Theodore screamed, pounding a fist into the wall next to him. He had his jaw clenched, and a very angry look in his eyes. He turned around and faced him. Draco stood his ground; he knew looking intimidated would only make Theodore angrier. He said nothing, still waiting for his reply. "Potter, I finally found Potter and you! Fuck!"

Draco eyes widened, he had tried to rule out that the man he had seen earlier was Harry Potter but it seemed like he was. "So, so he's alive?" Draco swallowed, now taking his coat off.

"Yes! Draco after three bloody years, I finally found him!" Theodore exclaimed, a triumphant expression now on his features. Draco had his coat off now and he levitated it to the closet wordlessly.

"Three…three years…" Draco repeated, his mind beginning to focus on something else completely. He looked down, in thought but his mind was racing, racing forward to what this could mean, what this would mean for the entire Wizarding World. His head shot up and he pierced Theodore with a hard look. "Is that why you never had enough time for anyone else? Because of Potter?"

Of course he was talking about himself. A year and two months with this guy and Draco had nearly gone crazy because Nott had abandoned him countless times, and then randomly shown up at his Mansion door crazing sex like some animal. Not that he minded the animal sex…Draco took his mind out of the gutters and gave Theodore an impatient look. "I…Draco, I was curious, you know what I'm like. He…he was like some mystery, and I solved it. I solved it! But now, now he's gone off again! And I don't know if he'll change locations in a panic…Arg! Draco!"

"You…you know where he is _right_ now?" Draco stammered, now more speechless than before.

"Yes! Draco, I had Seth deliver him a letter to meet me in Knockturn Alley and he came! He came! Bloody hell, Draco couldn't you have told me you were coming over?" Theodore cried, falling into the couch behind him, visibly aggravated.

Draco stared at him, then walked over and sat down beside him, softly and at the edge of the sofa. "I'm sorry about that but, but how the hell did you find him? I thought he was _dead_."

"Exactly! Everyone thought he died and that his body was never found but Draco he's been alive all along! And Remus has known! Remus's has been taking care of him for I don't know how long," exclaimed Theodore, sitting up and looking Draco in the eye. Draco could see the excitement in his ex's eyes, and he could see the crazed curiosity. Ever since the war Theodore and he had grown so much closer and Draco had thought for the longest time that he was _the_ man for him until he got in a relationship with him. Maybe Theodore just wasn't gay, maybe that was it.

But Draco didn't have time to think about that, his mind had just grasped Theodore's words and his eyes widened. "Remus _knew_ where he was?" He could hear the incredulity in his own voice, the awe.

"That's how I found him…" Theodore mumbled, more to himself now than to Draco. His eyes were getting glazed over and Draco knew very well that it would be impossible to get anything else out of him. Theodore had a nasty habit of blocking everyone out at times and focusing so hardly on a specific something that whirled about in his head for what seemed like forever. Draco could have just glanced into his mind, he was actually pretty good at Legilimency but Theodore seemed to keep a barrier up in his mind even when he was lost in thought. The guy was insanely smart and it scared Draco.

Sighing, Draco got up off the couch, his eyes still wide that Harry Potter was alive and well…By well, he meant, still breathing. Draco had never seen Harry look so ragged and beaten, like some filthy pauper. Draco could feel something queezy form in his stomach and twirl around, trying to climb its way up his esophagus. It only made it so far and settled in his throat, giving Draco a feeling of being suffocated.

His feet had him pacing back and forth, and his mind was darting from one new shock to another. Remus had known all along, but why hadn't he told anyone and of all the people for Theodore to shove him aside for, _Potter?_ Bloody hell, the fucking goody two shoes was still wreaking havoc in his life. So maybe he _still_ wasn't over Theodore Nott, after all Draco was the one who had asked him out but, arg! He had liked him for much too long to lose him to _Potter_. That good for nothing bastard.

And how could Remus not tell anyone he was alive!? Draco knew for a fact that all his friends were desperately trying to find him and catch any news of him being alive, especially Granger…

Draco quickly analyzed the situation, pushing aside his anger for Potter, and focusing on what to do now. He would have to discuss the matter with Remus, and if Remus denied it, he'd go to Severus. Severus always seemed to know what to do. The fact of the matter was that a few questions needed to be answered in order for Draco to fully decide on what to do. He could always inform the Ministry that Harry Potter was alive but it wasn't as if he would get something out of _that_.

"Draco," Theodore whispered. Draco spun around to look at him; he had gotten out of his possessed phase and was pale in the face as he stared up at Draco.

"What? What's wrong?" Draco quickly replied, sitting down by Theodore again.

The man just stared at him with his grey-brown eyes, and they seemed to hold every bit of Theodore's distraught. Draco cursed at himself for upsetting Theodore and waited patiently for Theodore to say something. "Draco, I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone about him…so…so don't tell anyone okay?"

Draco stared at him for a bit, his conscious fighting over what to do, he finally settled on ignoring the pleas that said Theodore would come back to him if he kept quiet. "Theodore, are you mad? Where is he right now? This is Harry Bloody Potter and I'm rather curious myself as to why he disappeared."

"But Draco!" Theodore cried, suddenly slipping into his usual soft spoken self, the one that seemed like a child. Draco felt his heart clench and jerk but he ignored the feeling.

Raising a hand and caressing his cheek, Draco softly whispered, "Let me talk to Remus. If Remus tells me not to try and get to Potter, I'll stop." This of course was a bloody lie. Draco intended to get his answers but he didn't want to upset Theodore further.

Theodore fell into his arms, wrapping his lithe form around Draco. He let off a soft sigh and Draco couldn't help but wrap his own arms around him.

"I was so close Draco…so close."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"It's…it's okay." There wasn't any anger in his voice now. Memories of holding Theodore in the same way rushed back and even though most of those memories were the result of Theodore and himself having mad sex, Draco didn't mind. He liked holding the tender side of Theodore, the one that wasn't preoccupied and was all his.

**--x--**

"She did, I don't think yours did though," Remus replied, rather tired and now irked that Severus Snape was standing before him, probably ready to shoot questions at him non-stop.

Snape sneered at him, seem to get straight to the point, "Where's Draco?"

"Out for lunch." Remus answered, walking over to his desk and plummeting into the chair. He brought a hand to his forehead and gently rubbed it, trying to hold back the headache he knew was coming.

"When did he leave and when is he due to come back?"

"Why don't you have a seat, and I'll answer all your questions," said Remus, waving a hand to an empty chair in front of his desk.

Snape seemed transfixed to the door and didn't move a step, Remus could almost see him create a list of pros and cons relating to the offer. Finally deciding that it, in fact, wasn't harmful, Remus watched as Snape gingerly walked over and sat down at the very edge of the chair. Remus controlled the urge to roll his eyes; _does he think the chair's going to eat him or something if he leans back?_

"Not to worry Snape, my chairs aren't charmed to gobble up greasy haired Potions masters." To this Severus Snape scowled intensely, but said nothing. Remus raised an eyebrow in his direction, as it was _very_ un-Snape like to say nothing to a crack like that.

With an icy voice, Snape asked Remus the same two questions he had asked earlier, "When did Draco leave and when is he due back?"

"He left at around one o'clock and I'm not too sure when he's coming back. Of course if you _really_ need to speak to him, you can wait here in my office," Remus answered, not in the mood to really have a conversation with Snape. There were too many things that linked him back to Sirius.

"He didn't tell you?" Snape enquired, now looking around the office.

"He usually only take about an hour, however, I believe he went to lunch with a friend so it may take him half an hour longer."

"And what of you? Aren't you going to take a break?"

"I have paperwork to complete." Remus had already picked up another stapled set of papers and was quickly skimming through them, writing down the necessary tidbits whenever they presented themselves.

A silence had begun to consume the room, with Remus never looking up at Snape once. He didn't want to, not after he had just remembered Sirius. The fear of some how showing his weakness in front of the other man gripped him, and he certainly didn't want that dear to show, so he went on as causally as he could.

"Is that all you do all day, write boring little scribbles where the Ministry wants you to? How dull, I expected Draco to find himself a better job." The comment was made wryly but it had the intended effect, that Remus assumed was to distract him from his work. Remus looked up from his work and gave Snape a nasty look, keeping his retort to himself. Sirius had rubbed off it seemed, as Remus couldn't quite stand Severus Snape.

He sighed and finally, with a bit of weariness asked the former Slytherin, "What, exactly, do you want?"

"To speak with Draco."

"That much is obvious," Remus replied dryly, rolling his eyes. "Anything else?"

"For you to contact him and tell him to get back," Snape said, impatience in his voice. It was as if he had expected Remus to have contacted Draco by now.

"He'll be here in about half an hour or so. You can wait."

Snape gave him an icy look and got up. "Oh for Pete's sake, what is it now?" Remus cried, exasperated.

"_I_ need to speak to my Godchild. _If_ you don't have the decency of calling him, I'd rather wait in the hallway than with some halfwit werewolf."

Remus immediately got up out of his own chair, practically throwing it backwards onto the ground, his eyes were slits of anger now. "If _you_ don't have the bloody decency of sitting in _someone_ else's office, who has offered to let you stay, quietly and keeping all insults to yourself, than _maybe_ you should wait in the bloody _hallway_."

"Touched a sore spot did I?" Snape smirked, "You're as easy to toy with as Potter. Ridiculous."

"Get _out_," Remus spat, already in a fowl mood.

Snape sighed, "Lupin, you seem to be lost in the past. You make it much too clear to read and you're _awful_ at hiding your emotions. Maybe Potter could teach you a few tricks, but sadly the prick is lying dead somewhere unknown."

"I said," Remus whispered, with a venom that he rarely released, "g_et out_."

Snape said nothing more, but swiftly turned around and walked out of the Remus's office. Remus sank into his chair, resting his elbows on his desk and running his hands through his hair to rest at the very top. He let out a frustrated sigh, and resisted an urge to topple over his desk.

**--x--**

Harry was pacing the cabin, never stopping as he walked back and forth, from one end of the small wooden house to the other. The fire in the fireplace was roaring, and Harry was positive he had set it so high due to his own anger. One directed mostly at himself and at how foolish he had been.

Orange warmth filled the room but he didn't need it, what he needed was a plan. Theodore had said he wouldn't tell anyone but Malfoy, who had only caught a glimpse of him, was bound to no such promise. The idea of changing his location was at the very top of his mind but he didn't want to be rash. He would wait for Remus, and ask him. This of course meant that he would have to explain everything to him and Harry was positive that Remus would lecture him on the matter and be more than angry that Harry hadn't confided in him.

Again, Harry let off a long string of curses and began to walk even faster, as if that would erase the entire problem. The fact that Draco Malfoy had seen him was no comforting matter. Soon enough the fact that he was alive would be let out and everyone he had tried to get away from and protect would come flocking back to him, risking their lives.

"FUCK!" he screamed, absolutely furious. Harry had no idea how long he had before his secret was out and so he made up his mind of one thing, he had to contact Remus right away. There was no other way of solving the problem without any further complications. Two people knowing about his current livelihood were more than enough and one of them being Malfoy was devastating.

Glancing up at the clock he read it to be one forty-five. Remus was probably in his office, doing paperwork as he always ended up having a late lunch. Harry had told him that he shouldn't be doing everything, as Malfoy didn't seem to be doing anything of any great value while they were sitting in their office and always ran off for immensely long lunches, but the man refused to listen. Years with Sirius had taught him something.

The name, though only in his thoughts, caught in his throat and the feeling of having a frog in your throat enveloped Harry. Sirius. His pacing had stopped, his hands clenched each other behind his back, and Harry could tell his knuckles were becoming white as he dug his nails into his palms. Sirius. He was gone, and there was no possible way for him to return, therefore Harry needed to take his mind off the subject of his Godfather and back to his predicament but as always, guilt swept over him, consuming him.

His eyes were shut tightly together and he focused the entirety of his available energy on taking Sirius out of his mind. It was like being haunted, every hour of the day, every day of the week, by a name. Or in his case a few names.

If he went down the path of thinking over every mistake he had made, every person who's death he was responsible, than the current problem would escape him and become something much bigger, more grand. Which was the case with most of his problems. He sighed irritably, and finally shoving everything aside, decided that the only one with a mind clear enough to attain a solution was Remus.

Harry strode into his room and ripped the door to his closet open. He began scrimmaging through his belongings, hands finding his half empty bottle of vodka and another urge washed over him, one to drain the rest of the bottle. He paused in his search and slowly took the bottle out. Drinking, it was another of his problems. Remus had tried to stop him, like he did with everything else but Harry had been too stubborn. He wasn't sure how many bottles he drowned into himself every month but he did know it was a problem. A cynical smirk swept over his features and he took a swig straight from the bottle. He had never used a glass anyways. It tasted like nothing, as always, but acrid as it slid down his throat. Burning his throat as it went down it seemed to dissolve the frog and along with it the stress mounting in his mind.

Another swig, larger this time, and the colourless liquid dripped down his chin, sliding down his neck, underneath his shirt until Harry finally pressed his shirt down on the running alcohol. The bottle left his lips and a strangled gasp emitted his lips, he leaned next to the closet, slowing sinking down. It would be easier to talk to Remus if he was drunk. Much easier.

**--x--**

Severus was getting rather ticked off as his Godson showed no sign of having returned back to work, on top of which the choice to stand in the hallway to await his arrival wasn't _that_ comfortable.

He had however, rather easily, ticked Lupin off. It had always been too easy, too easy to get to and completely fuck up, his mind like an always open door. One mention of Black and the man had flared up and told him to get out. Seveurs felt the pang of jealousy that always came when he remembered Black. He had never valued Remus, not once, always dragging him along, absolutely sure that Remus would follow. But he was right wasn't he? Remus had followed…he had _always_ followed. Even when he was ignored, even when he was taken advantage of, _even_ when he was left alone by Black because Black needed someone _other_ than Remus to please him.

Was he bitter? Of course. He always had been. First he'd lost Lily and than, before even attaining a grasp on Remus, lost him. Love was so elusive. Severus had concluded that the emotion wasn't meant for him, and the anger of that realisation had morphed itself into bitterness. A bitterness for all things Gryffindor, for all things related to James Potter, for all things related to _his_ past.

Even his mother had never truly loved him and his father was another story all together. Even now he knew that Draco simply looked up to him, valued his opinion but nothing more. Then again, Lucius hadn't quite left the boy in any state to ever trust someone or to love them if they were his family, or somehow related to him. He was his Godfather and on every chance he had gotten, he had tried desperately to help him out. Help him out because he had gone through much of the same himself, suffered the same way at the hands of his father and his father's friends.

He knew Draco had long ago let go of those painful memories, right after his father had been placed in Azkaban, and he had spent the next three years running around on Voldemort's every whim to get the father, who had never loved him, out of prison for the mother he had always thought had loved him. But even that was proven wrong, when he had brought home his father's body and she had blamed _him_. The mother who he had suffered _greatly_for, to do nothing but protect but the reasons behind most actions are misunderstood.

This was something Severus _had_ learned, at an impossibly young age and through an excruciatingly painful process.

A heavy sigh, laced with his bitterness, escaped his lips and he, momentarily forgetting where he was, leaned against the wall behind him, eyes closed, losing himself in his reverie.

**--x--**

The bottle was empty now, not a single drop of vodka left. Harry stared at it, eye level with the bottom of the bottle, swinging it uselessly back and forth to see if but a drop was left. Nothing.

He knew he was thoroughly drunk now, his eyes could barely see six inches in front him but he had to get the mirror. Heaving himself up, he let the bottle drop from his hands doing so, it landed with a loud clatter and Harry could hear it roll off to God knows where. His gaze was too blurred; he'd have to feel it.

Stuffing his hands into the confines of his closet, Harry began to feel for the sharp edge of the broken mirror. The other piece resided with Remus. He could contact Remus immediately.

Harry winced from pain as he pricked the edge of the mirror. He brought it out, vision only managing a faint outline of the reflecting glass. He stared at a bit, taking his hand off of the door frame that currently kept him steady and felt himself stagger, and in his drunken stupor failed to grab hold of the door frame a second time to steady himself. He fell with a thud upon the old wood, which whined out in a loud creak at the weight that had been thrown on it. Harry moaned in pain but forget it just as quickly. He brought the mirror to his face and whispered Remus's name.

Two seconds later, he found the blurry face of Remus looking back at him, and all Harry could really see was his neatly combed hair, the rest of his head another blurry outline.

"Harry are you drunk?" Remus hissed. He hated it when Harry drank, especially when he didn't for a few days and than drank too much.

"Nooo," Harry slurred through his teeth, craning his neck upwards to focus on the mirror.

"Oh God, Harry why can't you stop?"

Harry didn't have an answer to the question, so instead he told Remus what he could remember of his problem. His neck, having begun to hurt, practically gave way and Harry's head landed with a loud thud on the floor beneath. The wood gave another loud moan of agony, as did Harry. He didn't care for explaining anything further to Remus and tossed the mirror back into his closet, getting up slowly. He needed to drink some sobering potion if he was going to have a conversation with Remus but at least he felt happier, like nothing could ruin the rest of his day. For that reason alone Harry had decided to keep drinking and now it was a problem, another one to add to his list.

Harry glanced in his closet again and scanned the shelf that lined the top. He saw a few bottles of Remus's Wolfsbane potion and then spotted a nearly empty one of his sobering potion. It wouldn't get rid of the hangover effects that would follow some time after but for the time being he could think clearly…and see clearly for that matter.

Reaching for the glass bottle, Harry uncorked it and drank the few drops remaining. He immediately felt the effects, like someone had taken a glass table and threw it at his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the pain to wash over him.

"Harry?!" It was Remus, calling him from the front door. His voice sounded worried and desperate, most likely to see Harry.

"I'm in here!" Harry called out to him and flopped down onto his bed. His head was still throbbing, the potion sure did take its bloody time settling in.

Harry heard Remus's footsteps rush into the room and he opened his eyes slightly to find his face staring down at him, an expression of worry and distaste plastered on it. "Why did you drink?"

Harry waved a hand at Remus in a measly way and groaned as the potion gave him one last throb of pain before clearing his mind. He sat up now, able to see more clearly and glanced at Remus. "What did you expect me to do?"

"Tell me that someone knew about you from the very beginning!" Remus exclaimed, obviously thinking Harry a fool.

"Well, I…I wasn't sure and I didn't want you to get involved in case something happened and who knows you could have died or something. I can't have _another_ death on my head Remus!"

"Harry, for once in your _bloody_ life stop being such a _prat_! If you weren't going to tell me, who the hell were you going to tell?! And now you're telling me _Malfoy_ knows! That could have been avoided!"

"How am I being a prat!?" Harry exclaimed, absolutely furious that Remus had said such a thing.

"You keep thinking everyone who helps you out is going to die! And you keep blaming yourself! How is that going to help you? And now you've gone and drunk half a bottle of vodka! Oh don't look at me like that, I knew how much was in there!"

Clenching his jaw, Harry formed words in his head but didn't know how to bring them out, "You- I am not a prat!"

"That's not the point!" Remus cried, getting up off the bed. He began to pace in the small room. He stopped suddenly and rubbed his eyes with his left hand. "Harry, you got a letter two days ago asking you to go to Knockturn Ally so that you could meet with a "friend," and you didn't bother to tell me?"

"Like I said," Harry defended, "I didn't want you to get hurt. I mean, I wasn't sure that this person was a friend or not and I'm _still_ not sure!"

"Who was it? All you told me was that Malfoy knew you were alive," Remus enquired, suddenly looking _very_ tired.

"Theodore Nott," Harry answered, thinking back to the man. "He's spent three years trying to find me…Fucking obsessed."

"Theodore?" Remus asked in surprise. "He met with me a few times…"

"Yeah, he got a hold of your magical residue and tracked you here."

"What…?" It was now Remus's turn to be surprised.

"What do we do now? I mean…we could obliviate Nott and Malfoy's memories, that would get rid of the whole problem, but that would mean having to go back…"

Remus stood quietly for a minute and then finally spoke, "Maybe, maybe this is good. Maybe, Harry maybe you should just stop hiding now?"

Harry stared at Remus for a good second, absorbing what he had just suggested, "Are you mad?! I can't, no! Someone else, someone else will end up dying and it'll be _my_ fault! I can't hurt them any further Remus, you know that! I've, I've caused them so much pain. Ginny, she died because of me and Sirius, you lost your best friend because of me. I can't be the 'because of me' anymore. I won't!"

"Harry listen to me, those incidents weren't your fault! They didn't die _because of you_ but because they wanted to protect you, they loved you Harry. Why can't you understand that?!"

"Because in the end, they died because I was there! They could still be here, Remus! With us, but, but I had to live to save the bloody world and they had to die making sure I did! Remus, I never had the strength to do anything! It was because everyone kept pushing me, hiding things from me, _dying for me_ that I…that I killed Voldemort and I'm never going to let that happen again!"

Remus groaned, this conversation had been one they had gone through many times but today this conversation would determine whether or not Harry could keep living in the shadows. "Harry, Harry listen to me," Remus begged, grasping Harry's shoulders, "it's not your fault. No one else is going to die! There's no more danger. Please Harry, everyone misses you and they're desperate to find you again, why can't you understand this!?"

"I do!" Harry screamed, tears welling up in his eyes. He threw off Remus's hands and got up himself. Swallowing his tears down, Harry looked at Remus again. He looked tired, tired of seeing him like this, tired of arguing with him, tired of everything.

"Harry," Remus whispered, taking a step toward him, "it's okay. This, this is your chance. You can see Ron and Hermione again. I know you miss them, as much as they miss you. They'll be so happy to see, please, why can't you just let go of all of this?"

"You think I haven't tried?!" Harry cried, the tears he wanted to hold back burst from his eyes, streaming down his face. "I've tried Remus! I can't! _I can't!_ Every time I think about all the people I took away from them! It's my fault! Mr and Mrs Weasley would still have Ginny, Cedric's father would still have him ,you'd still have Tonks, I'd still have Sirius and the world would still have Dumbledore! But they don't! And you know why!? BECAUSE I'M ALIVE!" Harry's voice was at a roar now, bellowing out and his fingers were digging into the palms of his hands as his hands tightened into fists.

**--x--**

"Are you sure? I mean going to his cabin now. I doubt he'd want to see anyone…" Draco said as Theodore paced the length of his living room.

"Draco, I need to see him! Three years and I finally found him! I don't want him to switch location! Next he may move to Siberia or something!"

"Well I'm coming with you then!" Draco retorted, getting up off the couch.

"What? No, you can't come!" exclaimed Theodore, stopping in his mad pacing of the room.

"Why? I have a few questions for Potter," Draco argued.

"No! He ran away because you came! I don't want him to disappear again!"

"He won't! I'm going Theo, no questions about it!"

Theodore looked like he wanted to roar with frustration but instead gave an exasperated sigh, "Fine." Draco smirked, if there was one thing he knew, it was that he always got his way with his friends. He offered his hand, and Draco took it, stepping over to him. Turning on the spot, Draco saw the stone walls disappear and instead found himself staring at a desolate looking place. A nasty wind blew, shivering him to the bone.

He felt himself being yanked in a direction and saw a small, wooden cabin. It looked like it had seen better days and the single window he could see, looked rather dusty and was covered with grime. His eyes flew past the massive amount of trees, branches laden with snow, surrounding the cabin, and the thick, white snow, on the ground. Trudging forward, Theodore's hand firmly holding his, Draco found himself at the front door, and he could see his breath on the colourless air as a ghostly silver.

Theodore let go of his hand and brought it up to knock on the door but he stopped midway, unsure of whether or not to go in. Draco willed him on but said nothing. His eyes wandered over to the left and as far as he could see, were trees, one after the other, until you couldn't tell if there were any trees or not, but just a solid wall of green.

"Draco." His name snapped him out of his daze of seeing the trees and he looked back at Theodore. The door stood ajar and Theodore had taken a step inside. He was looking in rather shakily, as if he was about to steal something.

Stepping in himself, Draco's eyes went straight to a specific room where two watery eyes looked back at him with utter shock.

**----------------x----------------**

**Author's Note: **Err, I realise this chapter sort of comes off as Draco/Theodore-y but do not worry, this fic is a Drarry fic and Draco will end up with Harry. It's just that Draco, due to his past in the fic, has a bit of an attachment issue. It's going to be one of the problems I tackle in the fic, so yeah. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I hope that you have a few minutes to review and tell me what you thought. Thanks.


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